O Come!

As we enter this month of December I've been thinking of Advent. But what is 'Advent'? Maybe you attended a church that lit 'Advent' candles each Sunday, maybe you've read 'Advent' devotionals, or maybe you've never heard of 'Advent'.

The word 'advent' comes from a latin word that means "coming". So this season isn't just a time for us to take advantage of all the best online gift deals or put up lights or get our family picture Christmas cards sent to all our friends. Those things are fine, but not the focus of this time.

This is a season for us to step back and think about Jesus' first coming or 'advent' to earth as a baby. And to remember and thank Him that He has promised a second coming or 'advent' one day where He will make all things right.

This year I'm walking through a daily Advent devotional with 3 dear friends that focuses on the message of Jesus in familiar Christmas carols (Born a Child and Yet a King: The Gospel in the Carols by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth). Did you know that the word "come" is the most common theme in these songs we sing every year? Just stop and think of all the songs that include the word 'come' or the phrase 'O Come'...

I'm so grateful that He came to us as a baby to rescue us from our sins. And yet oh how I yearn for Him to come to us still!

There are days that I long for Him to come and be present and speak to me. Or I long for him to come and comfort me in my grief, or to restore joy, new life and hope in my heart. I long for Him to come to my friends who do not know Him yet. I long for Him to come and rescue us from this current COVID situation and the quarantine and isolation and hardship that it has brought to many. I long for Him to one day come and make all things right for eternity!

But in the midst of my longing for Him to come to me, He also invites me to come to Him.

I pray that you will look back this Advent season and be reminded of how He came to us in the form of a baby. And "God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him" (John 3:17). What good news!

I pray that you will look forward this Advent season, remembering that He promises to come again and make all things right! Again, what incredible news!

And I pray that you will look within this Advent season, at all the ways He comes to you as well as the ways He calls you to come to Him.

The Coming of the King is a free advent devotional. Just click on the link and sign up for the daily advent devotionals in your email or download the packet including all 27 days. I hope you enjoy this small gift, and may you experience the hope, peace, joy and new life in Jesus as you come to Him through this Advent season.

He came to us as a baby and Savior, He comes to us now, He is coming again, and He calls us to come to Him in the midst of it all!

Choosing to Hope in Him

These last 8 months have impacted each of us a differently. Personally, I’ve been quarantined on the farm with my family, for which I have been very grateful. I was obviously sad over all the losses this spring – a staff conference I was directing, leading a summer mission trip of students to Western Asia, watching friends and students and my nieces and nephews finish out the school year separated from their communities. And then on top of that the acts of racial injustice and tension. There has been a lot of loss and grief, and a lot to process.

In addition to all that, my Dad, who was a relatively active healthy 84-year-old dairy farmer, was diagnosed with cancer this spring. So honestly, much of my quarantine became in part consumed with navigating doctor’s appointments and tests and scans with my Dad, wondering what the following months would hold. He made it through an extensive surgery the end of May and was recovering, and by July the surgery report was so successful that his oncologist didn’t want to proceed with any radiation or chemo at the time, but continue to check in with him. It was an emotional roller coaster, but the Lord carried and sustained us through it all.

In the meantime, I was studying the book of Nehemiah this summer. If you aren't familiar with the book of Nehemiah, let me explain. Nehemiah is Jew living in exile away from Jerusalem. He is broken hearted over the condition of the city of Jerusalem and the Jews living there. Another prophet, Ezra, had led the rebuilding of the Temple, but the city was still in ruins and the city walls in rubble. Nehemiah heads to Jerusalem with much prayer and a vision from the Lord, to lead the people to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.

Walking through the midst of so many unknowns from a pandemic quarantine to racial tensions to my Dad’s health, I was encouraged and challenged by the Lord at Nehemiah’s dependence on the Lord and his faith and vision to lead people forward in the midst of so much rubble and opposition from their enemies and so many unknowns.

Then I came to Nehemiah 9 where the Jews have uncovered the Book of the Law and they lament over how they have failed to keep God's Laws – they fast, confess their sins, read the Law and pray. In this prayer they recount all the ways the Lord provided for the Israelites through their time in the wilderness.

9 “You saw the suffering of our ancestors in Egypt; you heard their cry at the Red Sea. 10 You sent signs and wonders against Pharaoh, against all his officials and all the people of his land, for you knew how arrogantly the Egyptians treated them. You made a name for yourself, which remains to this day. 11 You divided the sea before them, so that they passed through it on dry ground, but you hurled their pursuers into the depths, like a stone into mighty waters. 12 By day you led them with a pillar of cloud, and by night with a pillar of fire to give them light on the way they were to take.

13 “You came down on Mount Sinai; you spoke to them from heaven. You gave them regulations and laws that are just and right, and decrees and commands that are good. 14 You made known to them your holy Sabbath and gave them commands, decrees and laws through your servant Moses. 15 In their hunger you gave them bread from heaven and in their thirst you brought them water from the rock; you told them to go in and take possession of the land you had sworn with uplifted hand to give them.

16 “But they, our ancestors, became arrogant and stiff-necked, and they did not obey your commands. 17 They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them, 18 even when they cast for themselves an image of a calf and said, ‘This is your god, who brought you up out of Egypt,’ or when they committed awful blasphemies.

19 “Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the wilderness. By day the pillar of cloud did not fail to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night to shine on the way they were to take. 20 You gave your good Spirit to instruct them. You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst. 21 For forty years you sustained them in the wilderness; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.

~Nehemiah 9:9-21

As I read through this prayer, I noted all the actions that God did for the Israelites, like “you saw their suffering”, “you heard their cry”, etc. I still remember sitting on the porch that Saturday morning in August reading this passage and praying, “Lord you still do this for us today.” In fact, I wrote these words…

“You see my suffering. You hear my cries. You divide the seas. You hurl the enemy, You lead me by day and by night and give me light on the way to take. You speak to me. You give laws that are just and right and good. You satisfy my hunger and thirst. You don’t abandon me in the desert of my waywardness. You don’t cease to guide me or show me the way. You give me Your Spirit to instruct me. You sustain me and I lack nothing.”

This passage became my prayer for myself and my friends and co-workers as we headed into the fall. I prayed that we would be reminded of how the Lord always goes before us into the unknowns. He hears us. He leads us. He sustains us. Therefore, we do not have to fear. We can walk forward in faith knowing that He goes before us into the unknowns, because nothing is unknown to Him!

5 days after I wrote those words, I got up early that Thursday morning to head to the barn, and I discovered my Dad had suffered a major stroke in the night. He had a massive brain bleed and there was too much bleeding and swelling for them to do anything, so within hours my mom, brother, sisters and I found ourselves taking turns sitting by his bedside in a hospice room, holding his hand, saying our goodbyes, not knowing how long it would be. The following morning Friday August 14th he went to be with Jesus.

I made it through those first few days and his service, still in shock to it all. But then for the next couple weeks I entered what felt like a dense heavy fog. My Dad was a constant presence in my life and now he wasn't there. And as a single woman, he was the constant man in my life too. He was a very good man and very good father. I felt as though my world was spinning out of control and there was nothing I could do. It was like being in a spiritual vertigo.

I found myself telling the Lord – "I can’t hear or see or talk to my Dad anymore. But in the midst of that, what was is harder was that I am beginning to feel the same way about you, Lord." In the fog of my grief I couldn’t find Him. I couldn’t see Him. I couldn’t hear Him. He felt silent and absent to me. And that was incredibly scary.

But I’ll never forget again sitting on the porch one Sunday morning a couple weeks after my Dad passed away, watching the sunrise over the fields. I had just spent time listening to a message on Nehemiah 8 and 9. I decided to pull out my Dad’s Bible that morning and I began to flip through all the passages he had marked or made notes. And then it flipped open to a page with 2 bookmarks that I had given him. One was from Father’s Day when I was in college and another that I sent him when I was living overseas just after college - both of them from about 20 years ago.

I stopped me in my tracks as I realized these bookmarks were sitting in my Dad’s Bible in Nehemiah 8 and 9. I have no idea when or why my Dad put these bookmarks there. But in the moment, it felt like a sweet gift from the Lord. I looked down at my Dad’s Bible and then over to my own, still open to Nehemiah 8 and 9 with my own bookmark. I looked up and through tears I said to the Lord, “You still see me.”

Once again, I read this prayer from Nehemiah 9, recounting all the Lord did for the Israelites. And I wrote, “It just feels like a sweet reminder that you’re still here in the fog. You still see me. You still hear me. You still speak. You’re still present to me.” I was reminded that even though He might seem silent to me in my fog of shock and grief, it doesn’t mean He is not still present or even actively working in me or on my behalf.

So, this fall, amid everything – COVID, racial tensions, political tensions and polarization, changes in my own organization, and unexpectedly losing and grieving my Dad, I have needed a fresh dose of HOPE in the Lord. In fact, I have been praying and asking the Lord to do that not just for me, but for my friends and all of us who need it – to give us all a fresh dose of HOPE.

But it’s not a short-lived HOPE in a circumstance, a person, a thing or an event. It is HOPE in the Lord in the midst of the hard circumstances, in the midst of the grief. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who hope in (or wait on) the LORD will renew their strength.”

I still have days where I miss my Dad so much, I feel as though I can barely take another breath. But I must choose to HOPE in and wait on the Lord to renew my strength in the midst of that. And He is. And He will.

And because I have HOPE in Him, I can take steps of faith into the unknowns and the unseen of the days and months before me. Hebrews 11:1 reminds me, “Now faith is confidence in what we HOPE for…”

So, I can be free from fear of the unknowns before me and I can take steps of faith forward into those unknowns because I have HOPE in the only One who fully knows and sees all before me. And I can have confidence that regardless of what comes...

He sees me.

He hears me.

He hurls my enemy.

He leads me.

He guides me.

He has given His Holy Spirit to instruct me.

He sustains me.

And I...

lack...

nothing!

Do you need a fresh dose of HOPE (in the Lord)? Where? And is there any place where you need to be freed from fear and take a step of faith into the unknown?

Remember, if you keep walking with Jesus, you can choose to hope in Him despite the circumstances. He will sustain you and you will lack nothing.

5 Things I'm Thankful For

We’re coming up on Thanksgiving, which is a great time to stop and think about what we are thankful for. Learning the significance of cultivating the attitude of gratitude is one of the most important lessons I have learned, through seasons of plenty and of want. In fact, did you know that there is a connection between gratitude and mental health?! Studies and science are increasingly confirming the connection. But it shouldn’t be surprising to us as followers of Jesus. God’s Word commands, encourages and challenges us to be thankful more than once.

"Praise the Lord.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;

His love endures forever."

Psalm 106:1

This has been a challenging year for many, I know it has been for me personally, and yet there are many things I can be grateful for. Here are just 5 things I’m thankful for in this season...

I'm Grateful for Family & Friends

Nothing makes you appreciate something more than when it is taken away. I continue to grieve and miss my Dad, but I am also reminded in my grief of how grateful I am that I was blessed with such a great Dad. The depth of my grief reminds me of the depth of our relationship and the depth of my love for him and him for me - and for that I can be grateful. I'm grateful for our family - my mom, sisters, brother, nieces, nephews, aunt, cousins - and that we have been able to walk this unexpected journey together. I'm grateful for my incredible friends that, although I could not see them in person throughout this spring or summer, they reached out to me, sent texts, letters, cards, gifts, flowers when they learned of my Dad.

Thank you Jesus, for blessing me richly with incredible family and friends.

I'm Grateful for God's Word

"The Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword..." (Hebrews 4:12). My heart has always been sensitive to God's Word. Shortly after my Dad passed away I struggled to hear or see God in the ways I normally do - in creation, in music, in His Word. He felt silent to me. But He wasn't absent. As I look back, I see how He was speaking to me through His Word, specifically speaking to me through the words of Nehemiah 9 during this time. He reminded me that, just as He was present to the Israelites through their years of wandering in the wilderness, today He hears me, He sees me, He leads me by day and by night, He loves me, He never deserts me, He provides for me, He sustains me through all things and I lack nothing.

Father, thank you for your Words to us and for reminding me of your constant presence and unending love through your Word just when I need it most.

I'm Grateful for God's Creation

Watching the sun rise over the fields, looking out over the cows grazing in the pasture, feeling the warmth of the sun or the breeze on my face, listening to the rustling leaves - these are some of my favorite moments. I'm so grateful for this past year living back on our family's dairy farm. And I'm grateful for the hours spent on my bike these past several months, taking in His creation through all the seasons. I often experience God's presence most when I am surrounded by His created beauty.

Jesus, thank you for the beauty of your creation all around us and how your creation praises Your Name!

I'm Grateful for Technology

Yes, I'm grateful for technology! While I will always prefer to be in person, technology like texts and video calls allowed me to stay connected to people in my life amidst a pandemic quarantine and no travel. It allowed me to continue connecting with my co-leader Brian and the 18 Team Leaders we shepherd and coach. It allowed me to connect weekly with women who travelled to Western Asia with me the past 2 summers - studying God's Word together, praying for one another, being in one another's lives as much as possible while we were all in quarantine. It even allowed our family to connect over video when we weren't able to all be together in person.

Father, thank you for the gift of technology and how it can be used for good and for your glory.

I'm Grateful for YOU!

That's right. I'm deeply grateful for you - my many friends and ministry partners, who partner with me through support and/or prayer in ministry. The partnership of others makes it possible for me to invest the best hours of my day in the work God has called me to - whether shepherding and coaching our leaders on the front lines or connecting with staff and students directly. Thank you!

So what are you thankful for this season? I'd love to hear!

My 3 Favorite Books This Year...

One thing that God often uses to challenge and encourage me through various seasons of life is a good book, as well as a good Bible study. This year, there were several!

If you are looking to deepen your relationship with Jesus, or just want a good read to cozy up with your steamy cup of coffee, tea or hot cider as the air turns crisp this fall, consider checking these out. There are so many great authors and great books and Bible studies out there, but these are a few that were really meaningful to me this year.

Get Out of Your Head:
Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts

I can't get enough of this book - I'm still rereading it! This summer I read Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, by Jennie Allen, while in a virtual book study. I loved it so much, I then led a book study with 4-5 others. I even downloaded the audiobook so that I could listen to it while working in the barn, walking or biking.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (1 Corinthians 10:5), is a passage I run to frequently. It is a constant struggle and a choice I have to make every day, every hour, every minute as my mind often runs away with me. But Jennie reminds us, "I have a choice!" I love how she shares her own experience along with practical steps to take control of our thoughts, all from a Biblical perspective.

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
- Romans 12:2

Be the Bridge:
Pursuing God's Heart for Racial Reconciliation



This summer I participated in yet another virtual book study with some other women as together we read and discussed, Be the Bridge: Pursuing God's Heart for Racial Reconciliation, by Latasha Morrison. I had an opportunity to see Latasha speak at a conference last summer and appreciated her perspective as an African American woman in the church as well as her heart for pursuing both justice and racial unity in light of the gospel of Jesus.

This book both challenged and encouraged me to continue to seek to understand those who are not like me, who come from different ethnic or cultural backgrounds and perspectives, while doing what I can to be a 'bridge builder' both inside and outside the church. And we look forward to the day that we will be gathered around the throne of Jesus with brothers and sisters from all time and all places as described in Revelation 7:9...

"After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb."


Nehemiah:
a heart that can break

Nehemiah is one of my favorite leaders and this study, Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break, by Kelly Minter, is now a favorite! Nehemiah was a man who led from a heart that desired to follow the Lord and that broke for the desperate condition of his people and their city, Jerusalem. He led the people to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem with great vision and much prayer and dependence on the Lord.

But the Lord also used the book of Nehemiah and this study as I entered into the unexpected journey of grief of losing my Dad this summer. One morning I meditated on the peoples' prayer recorded in Nehemiah 9 when they recounted all the Lord did for their ancestors before them. I wrote the following in the margin of my study...

"You see my suffering, You hear my cries, You divide the seas, You hurl the enemy, You lead me by day and by night and give me light on the way to take, You speak to me, You give laws that are just and right and good, You satisfy my hunger and thirst, You don't abandon me in the desert of my waywardness, You don't cease to guide me or show me the way, You give me Your Spirit to instruct me, You sustain me and I lack nothing."

4 days after writing those words, my Dad suffered a major stroke and passed away the following day. The words of Nehemiah 9 as well as my own words written in this study would continue to be an anchor and a source of light through the fog of the following weeks. "You sustain me and I lack nothing." I'm so very grateful how God meets us and speaks to us through His Word - He is a good Father who knows exactly what we need when we need it.

I would love to hear what books or Bible studies were especially meaningful to you this year!

Losing my Dad...

I'll never forget the day my mom got off the phone with the doctor and told us, "Your Dad has cancer." I walked in the house to find my Dad sitting on the couch, head hung, deep in thought and tears welling up in his eyes. As he looked up at me, he took a deep breath, mustered up his spirit of determination and said, "Well, I guess I have a mountain to climb."

Earlier this spring my Dad was diagnosed with Mesothelioma cancer - an incurable but very treatable rare cancer in the lining of the lungs. I asked friends and family to pray for his surgery the end of May to remove the lining around his left lung and part of his upper lobe. While it was a challenging road this spring, by late June the surgery report was so encouraging that his cancer stage was downgraded and his oncologist wasn't sure if he would need chemo or radiation at all.

Mid to late July he had a scary fall in the barn taking the full impact on the concrete to his chin and we were back at the ER. Thankfully he came out of it with 6 stitches on his chin and a few broken teeth, but no broken bones or jaw or any other head trauma. By the end of July we were moving upward again - his stitches and 3 broken teeth were removed and we saw his oncologist - still no chemo or radiation! He was getting stronger and healthier and coming out to the barn to help more as he was able, even driving the tractor to the field a few times.

But early Thursday morning, August 13th, I found him unresponsive yet breathing after suffering a major stroke in the night. Unfortunately, there was too much bleeding and swelling on his brain and nothing they could do. My mom, brother, 3 sisters and I were all able to visit with him and say our good-byes throughout the day, not knowing how long we would have but knowing it would be soon.

Friday morning, August 14th, I received the call from the hospice nurse letting me know he passed away at 6:49am.

As I sat on the porch looking out over the pasture and the cows grazing peacefully, the sun about to come up, I was deeply saddened to know I would never talk to him or look in his eyes again - at least not here. And yet I also breathed a sense of hope and peace at the same time, knowing that he knew and loved Jesus and that he was welcomed fully into His presence that morning. He met Jesus. He was fully healed. And I will see him again one day and get to spend eternity with him.

We already miss him terribly. I still expect to see him walking into the barn during chores or sitting on the couch resting or watching the news. I think we're all still in a bit of shock by the sudden turn of events after the roller coaster of the last 5 months. But I am so incredibly grateful that I chose to move back to Ohio and live with my parents on the farm for this past year. I had no idea what this year would hold, but Jesus did in His goodness and in His sovereignty.

I'm grateful for the past 5 months of pandemic quarantine spent with my family while working from the farm. I'm grateful for the hours spent with my Dad this spring and summer going to doctor's appointments, driving back and forth to Cleveland, and caring for him after his surgery. We had so much sweet time together this past year. Of course I wish I had more time with him, but I know eventually I'll have that again, just not here.

I appreciate your prayers for our family as we walk through this together. I can't imagine walking through this without each other and without the hope and peace we have in Jesus. And I know that if even one person comes into a relationship with Jesus because of my dad losing his life on this earth, it would be worth it to him. I keep praying that maybe Jesus would do that. My dad would be so honored and grateful. And so would I.

He was a loving, faithful man who loved Jesus and loved his family well. I'm so proud and honored and blessed that I get to call him my Daddy.

If you would like to read more about my incredible Dad and the legacy he left, you may find his obituary along with video from his Celebration of Life held Tuesday August 18th at the link below. It was a beautiful worship service, celebrating and honoring his life while also honoring and pointing to Jesus, the One he faithfully loved and served.

www.grfuneralhome.com/obituary/Robert-Smith

I'm Waiting...

I don’t like waiting. I mean, does anyone like waiting? Especially when you’re not exactly sure what you’re waiting for or how long you will be waiting. Ambiguous waiting is the worst.

It doesn’t matter if it’s waiting on traffic, the grocery aisle, the coffee maker, even the microwave! I get impatient. Of course, those are the trivial ‘waitings’ in life.

It’s even harder when I’m waiting on a medical answer or potential diagnosis for myself or a loved one.

Or praying and waiting for healing for someone I love – not knowing if the ‘healing’ will come on this earth or be complete eternal healing in heaven.

Or waiting in my singleness, praying for a husband, praying for the gift of biological children one day, but not knowing if that will still come in my time here on this earth.

Or waiting in quarantine in a time of global pandemic, praying for it to come to an end, praying for those on the front lines, praying for those fighting for their lives from this virus and those who love them but can’t be by their side. And yet, not knowing what the days, weeks or months ahead will hold, or how many there will be.

I’ve sensed the Lord saying the word ‘wait’ to me in recent months. Initially it was in regard to my singleness and the prospect of buying a home. Then it was praying for a friend who laid unconscious from a brain injury, pleading for her life. Then quarantine in a global pandemic. And now for medical answers for a family member.

In each case, “Wait…”

In the midst of events cancelling and seemingly all of life coming to a screeching halt earlier this spring due to the virus pandemic, I was emailing with my friend Dana about this time of waiting in quarantine and she replied to me:

“…like a seed that will germinate underground. You may not see what's happening, but rest assured something IS happening in the waiting.

Waiting. . . . interesting word. Question is, what kind of waiting am I doing? Forced, impatient wait? Squirming, fidgeting waiting? Hospital dread waiting? God is reminding me there is also another kind of waiting I want to consider… anticipation in my waiting. Hopeful waiting. Trusting, calming waiting. Heck, I may experience all of the above in one given hour (or minute!). It's good to identify it and ponder.”

Today, it’s Saturday – not just any Saturday, but the seemingly silent Saturday nestled between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. You don’t hear much about this day, and there isn’t much recorded about this day. Churches might have a Maundy Thursday service remembering Jesus’ Last Supper with His disciples, or a Good Friday service remembering the day Jesus suffered, was crucified and died. And they definitely have an Easter Sunday service celebrating the resurrection. But what about Saturday?

Saturday seems to be a silent day…of waiting. But waiting for what? We know that the Saturday after Jesus was crucified was the Jewish Sabbath day. The women who prepared spices for Jesus' burial rested on the Sabbath according to the commandment. I guess we can assume they didn’t go to the tomb where Jesus was buried, and they didn’t do any work. They rested because that’s what they were commanded to do.

Meanwhile the chief priests and Pharisees went to the high priest and asked that the tomb be sealed and guarded so that the disciples don’t try to steal the body of Jesus and deceive people that he raised from the dead. Other than that, it’s silent.

I wonder if that Saturday felt like the longest, most silent Sabbath for the disciples as they grieved the torturous death of their Teacher of the last 3 years. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they lost one of their own, Judas, their friend and fellow disciple, who betrayed Jesus – he betrayed them all, and then took his own life. I wonder if they were in shock, confused, mourning, maybe even sitting in regret or shame over their own abandonment of Jesus, or Peter in his denial. Was there any hope or anticipation in their waiting? Or only grief and fear and despair?

Just because we are waiting in a season of seemingly silence, doesn’t mean God is not at work. We know on this side of Easter Sunday that God was at work bringing Jesus back to life, defeating death itself, not only for His Son, but for all who believe in Him! He was in the midst of the greatest miracle possible while the women rested and the disciples sat in fear. The earth seemed dark and silent, but God was very alive and active!

This spring we will begin to plant seeds in the ground for a fall harvest. On the surface the ground will seem silent, but underneath those seeds are hard at work, germinating, taking in nutrients – the seed is breaking open and dying as the plant inside comes to life and begins to sprout, eventually breaking through the surface.

There are so many places in life where we are called to wait. And so many places in God’s Word where He calls us to wait, and tells us how. I can’t even begin to name them all. But there are a few that have stuck out to me through the seasons of waiting…

Psalm 27:13-14
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 37:3-7a

Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

So how do I respond in my waiting?

Am I fearful? Hopeless? Despairing? Does the deafening silence cause me to question if God is present, alive or active? Do I begin to doubt His goodness or His sovereignty? Do I question if he sees me, hears me, remembers me, or cares? Do I remain idle because He seems so idle to me? Do I try to maintain some sense of control in my waiting (albeit an illusion of control) with busyness and activity?

Or do I cling to God, to His Truth, to His Word in my waiting? Do I choose to see the goodness of the Lord as I wait? Am I strong and courageous as I wait for Him to act? Do I trust in Him and do good as I wait? Do I cultivate faithfulness in my waiting? Do I delight myself in Him? Commit my way to Him? Rest in Him? Wait patiently for Him? Do I anticipate a rock on which to stand and a new song in my mouth? Do I praise Him as I wait? Do I hope in Him? Will others see Jesus in me as I wait?

Jesus, oh that I would cling to You in each moment of my waiting and be faithful and hopeful in my waiting. Whether it’s waiting in my singleness, waiting in this time of quarantine, waiting for answers or simply waiting for tomorrow. Help me to believe that you are ALWAYS at work – for your glory and my ultimate good, even when you seem silent to me. And when I grieve in my waiting, may I grieve, not as those without hope, but as one who has hope. I may not know what next year, next month, next week or even this next day holds, but I know the One who holds it. And because of that, I can hope and rest in You as I wait...

A Different, but not Distant, Holy Week

It is a different kind of Holy Week. But just because we are in a time of physically distancing ourselves from one another, our friends, family members, church families, doesn't mean that we must also be distant from the Lord or from engaging our hearts and minds in the events of Holy Week.

April is one of my favorite months of the year - fresh buds, flowers beginning to bloom, warmer days, Easter Sunday and my birthday - all wrapped up into one month! And Holy Week is one of my favorite weeks.

I have fond memories of Palm Sunday with the children carrying and waving palm branches while we sing, remembering the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem as the crowds shouted:

"Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the Name of the Lord!"

Mark 11:9

This week I would usually be coloring eggs with my nieces and nephews - lots of eggs. Some years we might attend a Maundy Thursday service on Thursday evening, remembering the Last Supper Jesus had with His disciples. Or a Good Friday service the following night, remembering the day Jesus was betrayed, arrested, and crucified on the cross.

Growing up, Easter morning began early with an Easter sunrise service led by the church youth, followed by a church family breakfast, then running home to get ready and return to church for Easter Sunday service.

I loved walking into church on Easter Sunday - the sanctuary surrounded by the sweet fragrance and colorful site of white Easter lilies, tulips, hyacinths and more as sunlight poured through the colorful stained glass windows. There was much fellowship and rejoicing, singing beloved Easter hymns of Jesus' resurrection and victory over death!

After church it was on to hiding candy filled eggs with my sister around the farm for my nieces and nephews to hunt, followed by a family dinner to celebrate Easter and April birthdays. (This year I was especially looking forward to Easter as it falls on my birthday!) Sunday evening I typically collapsed with a sweet sense of exhaustion from a very full but memorable day, and week.

This year it will be different. No attending church services, egg coloring with my nieces and nephews, or gathering for an Easter egg hunt and large family dinner. But that doesn't mean I need to be distant from the purpose and meaning behind all the activities of the week.

In fact, maybe this year gives me an opportunity to focus MORE on the events of Jesus' life that Holy Week between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday without all the extra activities. Maybe this is a chance to connect more deeply with the Lord as I follow His steps through that week in His Word.

I will be using the following reading plan, to read through the events of Jesus life this week:

An Inspirational Reading Plan to Refocus on Holy Week during COVID-19

I invite you to join me! Whether you choose to use this plan, or another, join me for an incredible journey following the footsteps of Jesus in His last days on earth!

We may be physically distant from one another this year, but it doesn't mean we have to be distant from God's Word or from meeting with the Lord or even from sharing what we are learning with others!

As we enter into this Holy Week, I pray that you will experience the presence of Jesus in a fresh way. I pray that you will gain fresh new insights from His Word this week. I pray that you will have a rich and wonderful Holy Week, focused on the One who made it Holy.

How are you grieving the loss?

We have been hit with more change and news from day to day in the past couple weeks than might seem possible to process—case numbers of COVID-19 growing by the day, universities moving classes online and even sending students home for the semester, companies instructing employees to work from home, schools sending students home for an extended ‘spring break’, churches holding services online, and of course everyone stocking up on toilet paper! These are unprecedented times and that brings many unknowns. And unknowns can bring fear of the unknown.

BUT, we serve a God who is KNOWN. And despite the current health crisis we face in our country and around the world, He is still GOOD, and He is still SOVEREIGN. He is the King of the Universe, and He sits on His throne in a sure Kingdom. And we are His beloved children and part of His Kingdom! So what is our role and responsibility as the Church to continue to spread the Love and Joy and Peace and Hope of the Good News of Jesus, without unknowingly spreading a virus to those around us, and to protect those who are especially vulnerable?


On Friday I learned the limitations and restrictions my organization is taking. Like many others, suspending travel, postponing projects and conferences, limiting numbers of those that should gather at one time. For me personally the news means that I will not be travelling to Western Asia this summer as planned (a place I love with people I love). In addition, I was in the midst of planning and leading a conference for the spring that has now been cancelled, or postponed.


Sigh... So many cancellations, or postponements yet to be rescheduled. I understand and agree with these actions—I believe they are necessary and wise. In fact, because I currently live with my parents (who are 79 and 84) I have been choosing to stay in for the past week, and will continue to do so. But we have all gone through a bit of emotional and mental whiplash over the last couple weeks.

There are many losses and unknowns in this season. And I feel completely out of control, but then I realize that I was never actually IN control - my sense of 'control' is really only an illusion, right?! And all these losses and unknowns and lack of control brings grief. WE'RE GRIEVING. Our whole country, our world, is grieving. And you know what? It’s okay to grieve the things we are missing or longing for right now. It’s okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, confused, even scared. Jesus invites us to the throne to lay our whole selves at His feet, even our sad, disappointed, grieving, stressed out selves.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:38-29)

As you take care of your health in this season or take care of those around you, what are you doing to take care of your heart? How are you doing? What are you sad, angry or frustrated about? What are you learning? How are you clinging to the HOPE and PEACE promised in Jesus in the midst of the chaos? And what do you need (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically) in the coming days and weeks?


As you care for your health and the health of those around you, I pray that you will have the space to also process all that you are experiencing internally. I pray that you will lean into Jesus with your whole self and hear from Jesus through this time. I know He wants to hear from you. He told us, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest..."

A Decade of the Unexpected...

Welcome January 2020. A new month. A new year. A new DECADE. Moving into a new calendar has a way of making us reminisce, look back over time. Recently I have seen countless Facebook and Instagram posts and pictures from the last 10 years, how life has changed – marriage, babies, relationships, jobs, moving, hair styles, etc. etc.

TIME. It changes us, right? Time heals all wounds? You just need time? No. Actually, time in and of itself does not change us. It does not automatically heal our wounds, mend our hearts, reconcile relationships, make things better, etc. Time is, however, a vessel through which change may occur. But we are not promised that change will be good change. The change we experience over time depends on how we steward that time. Do we lean into change and growth and healing, or do we run from it or sit idle, hoping that time in and of itself will make things better?

As I look back over the last decade, from January 2010 to today, I am beyond grateful for the change and growth that has taken place in my life, by the grace and mercy of Jesus. In some ways the last decade has flown by, and in other ways feels like a lifetime of growth and change…

I limped into January 2010 in a heart-broken place. I thought I would be entering the new year married, but I didn’t. The previous year I was in a relationship that we both thought was leading to engagement and marriage, but that all came to an end that summer. No engagement. No summer wedding planning. No fall wedding. Rather than celebrating what I thought would be my first Christmas and New Year married, I was grappling with my shattered dreams, a loss of a significant relationship, and fighting the acceptance of the ‘singleness’ status once again.

I knew in my head that God was still good and sovereign, but not in my heart. I was devastated. How could he do this? Much more, how could God do this? How could He bring me seemingly so close to engagement and marriage only to yank it away? And would I, could I, ever meet anyone again? I processed with dear friends. I went to counseling. I wept. I cried out to the Lord. I grieved…

Over time, as I leaned into Jesus and into my pain, my disappointments, my anger, my sadness, my fears, and as I allowed His truth and grace to permeate into my mind and heart, I began to experience the Lord’s deeper healing in my heart and in my life. I even began to look back and be grateful for the relationship and see the ending of the relationship as God’s GRACE to us both. I learned a deeper lesson about grief and how to grieve. I gained a greater empathy for those who go through broken relationships – dating, engagements, marriages. I began to see that I had placed this relationship as an idol in my life. And while I still desired marriage one day, in some ways marriage itself had become an idol – something I had to ‘achieve’ to feel accepted, valued, loved.

In the midst of grieving that relationship I stepped into a new leadership role in ministry. I thought it would be temporary, but as my heart began to heal, I experienced a new freedom in life, in ministry and in leadership. I was leading! I experienced it and others affirmed it. I didn’t understand how I could be leading in the midst of such personal pain and brokenness, but it was the beauty of Jesus’ light shining out of my broken jar of clay. The more broken the jar, the greater His light escapes through the cracks (2 Corinthians 4:6-7).


March 2013 I began this blog, starting with a 3-part post about Choosing to EMBRACE, GRIEVE and CELEBRATE Singleness – and people read it! And they liked it! Greater healing, growth, and freedom continued - emotionally, relationally, spiritually and physically. I even trained and completed my first duathlon that August in Indianapolis - something I never imagined doing before!  In fact, I have now completed that duathlon 4 times in the last 7 years. And when I was least expecting it, the Lord called me out of my stability of living with the same roommate in the same apartment and working in the same office of the previous 9 years. He called me out of the role I had come to enjoy and thrive in, the team and co-workers with whom I loved working. He called me out of the city I had called my home. And he called me back overseas to a place I once lived 10 years prior. I place that was dear to me, but was also ‘home’ to much health and emotional hardship.

January 2016 I stepped out of my leadership role in ministry, I packed up my belongings, and I headed back to Western Asia for a year of unknowns. It was a transforming year living once again in a place I lived 10 years earlier, but in a new way. I was healthier, stronger, more resilient. Maybe because I had learned the value of how to be broken and dependent. Don’t be mistaken – it was still hard! But it was also very sweet. And I have no regrets.

February 2017 I returned to the States and later that year stepped into a new leadership role in our ministry – a leadership role I never would have considered, but has been the exact place the Lord has called me to live out my calling for this time and place. And August 2019 I moved back ‘home’ to northeast Ohio, close to family, close to our family farm, to continue in this new role in ministry.

Friend, 'the Lord redeems the years the locusts have eaten' (Joel 2:25-27). I never would have fathomed that the Lord would take me back to Western Asia, or that I would have the opportunity to take students with me in the years following. I never imagined I would be that person along the road out running, biking, training for races and completing duathlons. I never imagined I would move back to northeast Ohio where I could see family on a regular basis, attend nieces and nephews music concerts and basketball and football games. And I never imagined I would be writing posts about broken relationships, singleness, the pain and joy in the journey.

As I look back over the last 10 years, it’s been a journey. A journey I never expected or ever imagined. This decade, Jesus has seen me through 7 moves (including 4 different roommates plus my parents), 2 states, 2 countries, countless hours in my car (the same one!) and miles in the skies, 4 more nieces and nephews, unexpected health scares and hospital visits with my parents, loss of a dear friend to cancer, 4 ministry role and team changes, leadership opportunities and challenges, broken relationships, new relationships and more.

Yes, there has been pain in the journey. There has been loss, grief, loneliness, countless change and transition. But there has also been joy in the journey. There has been healing, redemption and restoration of past pains, personal growth and greater freedom to live out who God has created and called me to be. So I’m grateful for the unexpected journey with Jesus of the last decade, and I can only look forward with hopeful anticipation of the next.

And so as I enter this next decade, whatever or whomever it brings, how I pray that I would run the race marked out for me, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

AMEN.