Friday, November 1, 2013

30 Days of Thankfulness...On a Journey to Cultivating a Grateful Heart

Coming into the month of November, I wanted to take time out to meditate on something I can be grateful for each day.  In a spinning world of to-do lists, text messages, facebook posts, emails, and so much more, the busyness can so easily crowd out a grateful heart.  In the end, I think it may have proved to be more challenging than I anticipated.  Going into the month I thought, “I have so much to be thankful for!  It shouldn’t be hard to think of something different each day!  Some days that was true, & I found myself trying to choose what I would write about as I could name several things in that day.  But there were some challenges & difficulties over the course of this month that led to days that ended in feeling tired, drained, sad, angry or frustrated.  There were evenings that I was tempted to just write about something simple & tangible (which would have still be something I was honestly thankful for), but I wanted to go deeper.  I wanted be honest with myself, with the Lord and with others.  What are the intangible things that I can still be thankful for & still cling to, even when life is hard or things are not going ‘my way’?


I hope you will enjoy taking the journey with me into these 30 Days of Thankfulness, & consider accepting the challenge each day to stop & be still & take steps towards cultivating a grateful heart.

November 30
What a journey these 30 days have been!  I'm grateful for this life, the ups & downs, the blessings, the challenges.  I'm grateful that God is sovereign over my life & all things in this life.  And yet, as I consider the many challenges & hardships we face each day, I'm also grateful that this life is not our home, & I look forward to that final home filled with lasting joy & rest & peace for all eternity.

November 29
While many people are out shopping today, I'm grateful for work on the farm.  I love manual labor - there is something very refreshing to me about it.  I find joy in going outside, spending time with my dad & brother in the barn & accomplishing something.  I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to be raised on a farm, learning hard work, dedication, responsibility and a love for God's vast creation, both nature & animals.

November 28 (Thanksgiving)
I'm grateful for my extended family.  With my mom being an only child, every Thanksgiving we have always spent the day with my aunts & uncles & cousins on my dad's side of the family - what started as my Grandma & Grandpa Smith, my dad & his old brother & sister, is now an annual Thanksgiving gathering of around 50!  It's such a blessing to gather each year, catch up on life, watch the little ones grow up, & even meet new friends or family members! :)

November 27
I’m grateful for my family, especially for the blessing of being an aunt to 11 nieces & nephews!  2 of my nephews are spending the night with me at my parents' - they love being on the farm.  And I love having them.  I love going out to the barn with them, & the 5-year-old is a great little helper in the barn!  He will walk around & work non-stop out there!  I'm a very blessed aunt. :)

November 26
I'm spending this week at my parents' in northeast Ohio.  This is always a bit of a retreat for me - out in the country, on the farm, not great internet access.  And as an extra bonus, there's snow up here & it's snowing more!  I'm so grateful for the refreshing atmosphere of being on the farm, spending time with my family &, of course, watching the snow fall!

November 25
I’m grateful for sleep.  No really, that's what I'm grateful for on this day.  After 5 days covering Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Atlanta & back to Cincinnati, I made the 3-4 hour drive to northeast Ohio to my parents' for Thanksgiving week.  I arrived at my parents, exhausted from the previous week, & proceeded to take 2 naps today!  I'm really grateful for how God created us to recharge our bodies & minds with sleep!

November 24
To be honest, this was just a hard day, & difficult for me to choose gratefulness.  I returned from my friend in Atlanta & came back to our staff conference in Cincinnati for this final day of the conference.  It was difficult to attempt to 'jump back in' after an emotionally draining trip.  But with the help of a couple friends, we threw a virtual baby shower for our friend in Atlanta who had just lost her twin son & were able to 'facetime' her into the shower so she could see & talk to co-workers & friends. We were able to celebrate the life of her other twin son, & we spent time together praying with & for her, as well as for her husband & their son.  I'm grateful for community - the body of Christ - in the midst of the sorrows & challenges of this life.

November 23
Today I attended my friend's funeral service for her 4-week-old preemie twin son that she lost a week ago (November 16th).  It was heart-breaking, yet I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be here & share this day with my friend.  I’m grateful that because of Jesus there is hope in the midst of darkness, healing & comfort in the midst of pain, & the promise of new life in heaven in the midst of death here on this earth.

November 22
In the NICU in Atlanta with my friend
Bridget as she holds her son Jackson
for the first time!
I’m grateful for sustenance for a long day, & for unexpected gifts & blessings in the midst of hardship.  As soon as our Intern Time was finished & we cleaned up, I headed to the airport to fly to Atlanta to be with my friend who just lost her one of her 4 week old premature twin sons.  It was a very a long day, but the Lord sustained me physically & emotionally.  And when my friend took me to the NICU on this evening to see & meet her surviving twin son, we were greeted with an unexpected blessing & gift as the NICU nurse looked at my friend & said, “Would you like to hold him tonight?”  Because her sons were delivered at only 25 weeks, she had not been able to hold this twin yet.  So you can imagine what a gift this was to hear for my friend!  I’m so grateful to have shared this moment with my dear friend, & to take pictures of her holding her son for the first time (at 5 weeks old).  What a sweet gift from the Lord.

November 21
I’m really grateful for my job, which is a ministry, & a calling!  I have the honor of working with our region’s Campus Ministry US Interns – this year there are nearly 70 on the field.  As we spent time together with our Interns today I was reminded of what an awesome job I have getting to work with such incredible individuals who seek to walk with Jesus daily.

November 20
Today I headed to Cincinnati to begin preparing for our annual Regional Fall Staff Conference.  I’m grateful for the opportunity to serve others, whether it’s unloading a U-Haul full of conference supplies, stuffing 470 gift bags for incoming staff for a conference or staying up late setting up tables in a conference room for the following day.  Giving of ourselves to serve & bless others truly is a blessing to those who serve & give as well – usually in unexpected ways! :)

November 19
As I sit here tonight thinking over my day, I'm grateful for God's Word & how it is alive & active in our lives today.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn from His Word, from the lives & actions of those in the past - both from those who walked in obedience & honored the Lord, as well as from those who didn't.

Father, thank you for continuing to use your Word in my life to convict me, correct me, challenge me and encourage me.  May I always be open to hearing from You through Your Word.

November 18
I'm so grateful for how the Lord designed us, His children, to be connected to one another in the body of Christ!  It's so beautiful to see brothers & sisters in Christ rally around a member of the church who is walking through loss, grief, hardship, etc.  He could have left us to fend for ourselves, but He didn't. He chose to give us relationships with one other, both for our good & for His glory.

November 17
Lately I've been reminded & grateful that this world & this life is not our final home.  As I continue to grieve with my friend over the very sudden loss of one of her 4-week-old premie twin sons, & process a loss in my own life, this truth has been in the forefront of my mind & heavy on my heart.  Yesterday I heard an anology making this very point - the example of a man on an airplane pulling things out of his bag, posting up pictures on the back of the seat in front of him & basically settling in as if he was home.  How crazy that would look to someone else on the plane because we know that he is simply in 'transit' & not actually home yet.  Similarly, we are just in 'transit' here in this world - we're not home yet.

I'm grateful that in the midst of grief & loss & uncertain circumstances, I can look to Jesus, & I can remember & look forward to my eternal home with Him.  Come Lord Jesus, Come...

November 16
Tobias Kell (October 18 - November 16)
Today was a very sobering day, and I was reminded of the brevity & fragility of life.  A very dear friend lost one of her 4-week-old preemie twin sons this morning.  I am so grateful today that in the midst of loss & sorrow & grief in this world, our HOPE is ultimately found in Jesus.  I am grateful that He is our Comforter & Healer in whatever we face.

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8

November 15
As I continue to think about 'National Adoption Month' I'm grateful that I have been chosen & adopted as God's own child.  What an honor, what a privilege, that the King of kings gave His One & Only Son for me.  He then picked me up, cleaned me off, & brought me into His home, His eternal Kingdom, making me His precious daughter.  And that's a relationship that can never be broken.

"But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12)


November 14
In honor of November being 'National Adoption Month' I'm grateful for my beautiful adopted niece Kariyas.  Definitely a handful, but what a bundle of joy & energy!  I can't imagine our family without her!  She is my niece through & through.  I love her creativity, her fiestiness, her deterimination, and her fun-loving & outgoing personality.

Jesus, thank you for sparing Kariyas' life, for caring for her & watching over her, & for bringing her into our lives & into our family.  We are blessed because of her.


November 13
I'm grateful that God invites us into His work of building His Kingdom for eternity.  What an honor & privilege to be allowed into that process!  Sadly I too often forget this & I miss out.  But when I stop & think about how the God of the Universe is also my Heavenly Father who has invited me (a sinner saved by His grace, yet also His daughter whom He created & knows & loves) into His work with Him...wow.  It's just so humbling & leaves me a little speechless.

Father, thank you for allowing me to join you in your work of building your Kingdom for eternity.  Thank you for using me in the lives of others to tell them about you & point them to you.  Thank you for allowing me the honor of being about part of your life changing work in your children.

November 12
I'm so grateful for my church & small group.  I enjoying serving & investing time or energy without it feeling draining or burdensome.  And no matter what is going on in my week, I look forward to Tuesday nights when I get to gather with this group around a meal, sharing stories, sharing our hearts, our struggles, our opinions, laughing, crying, praying...just walking through life together & serving together as Christ followers.

November 11
On this Veteran's Day I'm grateful for all those who have gone before me, sacrificing so much, even to the point of their own lives, for my freedoms today.  I'm grateful for my grandfather who served in WWI, for my uncles & my dad for their service to our country as well.  I'm grateful for friends & so many others who are currently serving in various capacities.  And I'm grateful to have been born in a nation with such a history of fighting for freedoms.  http://www.va.gov/opa/vetsday/vetdayhistory.asp

November 10
Today I was reminded of how I grateful I am for God's hand of healing & growth in my life.  As I gathered with some dear sisters in Christ tonight & we updated one another on life, I was encouraged by all God has done in my life to draw me closer to Him & transform me more & more into the image of Christ.  Even when I just look at the past year, I can see such a difference in how I respond to my singleness.  At one point I told them, "My circumstances aren't necessarily different from a year ago, but I am & how I choose to respond to those circumstances."  What evidence of God's healing & freedom in  my life!  Thank you Jesus, for being so faithful & never giving up on us, even when we are disobedient or stubborn or unfaithful!!

November 9
Wow!  So much to be thankful for tonight!  I'm usually really grateful for weekends, but today was such an incredible day.  I'm grateful for a relaxing, quiet morning enjoying my coffee along with the sunshine on this colorful fall morning while reading God's Word and spending time with Him.  And then a 34 mile bike ride around my city - down the Monon trail, across the Canal Trail through Broad Ripple, past Butler's campus, past the IMA, down the White River Trail, over the Cross Cultural Trail, past IUPUI's campus, across downtown Indy, through Fountain Square, and eventually back up the Monon.  I'm so grateful for my city, just taking in the sights, sounds, children playing on playgrounds, people out for walks or bike rides or walking their dogs, the colors & sounds & smells of fall, and so much more!  I'm so grateful for the physical ability to spend the afternoon biking.  And so grateful for the sun!

And tonight I am grateful for the fellowship of sweet friends, good food, and sharing our gifts with one another through music, art, writing, etc.  As I walked out to my car to head home this evening I looked up & just stopped to take in the vast view of the sky - the black night sky against the stars, immediately noticing the constellation of Orion, & then taking in the light of the moon, even noticing its shadow.

Driving home I pondered, "What will I choose to write about to be grateful for tonight?  There's so much to choose from!"  And as I thought over my day, I simply thought, "Life!"  I'm grateful for LIFE, an abundant life.  I don't deserve all these things - I don't deserve this life.  I did nothing to earn it, and yet I've been given this awesome abundant life!  This was surely an abundant day of life, & my heart is full of gratitude tonight.

November 8
I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have a place to call home - an apartment with heat & water, food in my fridge, clothes in my closet, & pillow to rest my head on.  I'm grateful that I never have to question these things - I have them each & every day.  And no matter where I've followed the Lord around this globe, He has always provided a 'home' for me.

November 7
Tonight I'm overwhelmed by thankfulness & gratitude for the cross - the cross of Christ.  Like Lecrae says, "He lived a life I could not live, & died a death I should have died. "  Thank you for the cross Jesus.  Thank you for buying me with a price - the price of your very own life.  Thank you for pursuing me until I finally turned & chose life with you.  Thank you for this journey of walking with you.  Thank you for the way of the cross.

http://myhopewithbillygraham.org/programs/the-cross/

http://myhopewithbillygraham.org/mercy-tree-music-video/

November 6
I'm so grateful for the friends & community the Lord has blessed me with here in Indy.  I'm so blessed by my Cru staff family, my church family, and so many more!

November 5
I'm grateful for the gift of the Holy Spirit.  I'm grateful to know that He has sealed me for eternity, and grateful for how He sustains me, helps me, comforts me, and guides me throughout each day, as I allow Him to be released in and through my life.  I'm grateful for how He sometimes seems to supernatually carry me through the day when I personally feel so weak and tired.  What an incredible gift.

November 4
Tonight I am reminded of & grateful for God's FAITHFULNESS in so many ways.  I'm grateful that I can claim & stand on His promises & His character regardless of my circumstances or how I feel in the moment.

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the FAITHFUL God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations  (Deuteronomy 7:9)

November 3
So grateful today for the breath-taking creation our Father & Creator has designed!  Like the awe-inspiring masterpiece of an artist, His creation displays His glory & splendor.  I'm so thankful for the opportunity to take in the rich colors & smells & sounds of fall today - the vibrant yellows, golds, oranges & reds of the trees as well as the smells & crunch of the leaves beneath my feet, the sun seemingly spotlighting the rich colors on the trees, as well as the sound & sight of water running over the rocks & through the layer of fallen leaves.  Father THANK YOU for your creation, for the ever-changing colors of fall, & for the opportunity to take it all in!

November 2
Tonight I'm incredibly grateful for great friends, fellowship, laughter, as well as a love for color and art.  Today as been filled with color and life...not only the incredible color and life of fall all around me, the color and life experienced through creating a piece of art, but also the color and life enjoyed in the sweet fellowship of sisters in Christ.  I don't deserve any of this!  And yet God grants us all these these blessings...& more!

November 1
Today I'm thankful for God's unending, unmerited GRACE in my life.  It's not only the grace that allows me to have a relationship with Him through Jesus, but also the grace I experience each & every day, although I'm sure it's much more than I even realize.  His grace is sufficient for every circumstance.  I'm grateful for His GRACE.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Thinking about Singleness...Choosing to Celebrate

This is the third post in a 3 part series on "Thinking about Singleness..."

My intent was to write this 3rd post on singleness 3 months ago following the first two, but it seemed I kept putting it off. I began to realize how easily the first two came - it was easy to write about Choosing to Embrace and Choosing to Grieve singleness. But choosing to celebrate, rejoice and/or be thankful for singleness? This one is much easier said than done, depending on the day or moment.

Naturally there are days or times when I very readily celebrate or rejoice in my singleness - usually over the freedoms or independence I know I have compared to others. But of course there are many days when rejoicing over my singleness is the last thing I would desire to do. Yet regardless of my momentary feelings, I know that choosing to celebrate my singleness (if only by faith) is both what I am called to do and what I need to do. And this is for my good and for God's glory.

So what exactly do I have to celebrate? And how do I celebrate in my singleness even when I do not feel like it?

I have much to celebrate, much for which to be grateful. I have freedoms and an independence that those who are married and/or parents simply do not have due to the reality of their circumstances. I can essentially do what I want, when I want to do it (within some limits obviously). Outside of the commitments and requirements of my job, I can choose how I spend my 'off' hours – my evenings, weekends, holidays. I can choose what other things to commit to (church, friends, social events). I can choose whether or not to sleep in on a Saturday morning without worrying about getting up and getting some time to myself before the kids are up! I can take a nap without first making sure the 2 year old is napping too - or worried about what the 2 year old might do while I’m napping! ;)

I have energy and time to do things that I know my friends who are moms or dads simply do not have due to the time and energy required to be a parent. I can stay late at work if needed. I can schedule time with friends in the evenings without first clearing it with my spouse or making sure someone else can take care of the kids while I’m away.

I can also focus my energies fully on the work to which God has called me. I can spend time and energy on serving others, sacrificing my time for the sake of others, investing in my friendships, and in other single women and helping them grow closer to Jesus.

I also have cause to celebrate knowing that I have not settled for someone who was not God’s best for me. I am not in an unhappy marriage or walking through the devastating experience of a broken marriage or divorce. While I clearly grieve with my friends who have or are walking through such difficult circumstances, in some ways I can also thank God that I have not walked that road and ask Him to give me the strength to wait patiently for His perfect timing and for the one He has chosen for me.

But how do I choose to rejoice or celebrate when I don’t feel like it? What about those days when I have a response to every one of these reasons I have just listed that are ‘cause to celebrate’? What about the days when I would rather want a reason to leave work by 5:00 because someone at home is expecting to have dinner with me, rather than having the freedom to stay later? What about the afternoons when I would rather play and care for a child of my own than take a nap or watch TV? What about the days that I want 'the work God has called me to' to include loving, serving, cooking for a husband and caring for and raising children? How do I celebrate singleness in those times when I feel like I’m barely embracing it, and definitely grieving the things I so long for?

I choose to celebrate, I choose to rejoice in my singleness BY FAITH. Ok, I know, that’s the ‘Sunday School’ answer. But hear me out…

For those who have made a decision to follow Jesus, who have believed the truths of His death and resurrection and accepted the penalty He paid for our sins, do we not choose to EMBRACE the fact that He is the only One who can who can save us and set us free?  And don't we GRIEVE what He had to endure for our sakes? Yet we also rejoice and CELEBRATE what He did and what it means in our lives!

When it comes to the Good News of Jesus, we must EMBRACE the reality of our fallen condition and the fact that we could not save ourselves even if we wanted to, no matter how hard we tried. We choose to accept the fact that Jesus was and is the only way to God, that He died for our sins, and through Him we can have a relationship with God and spend eternity with Him. To deny either of those realities would keep us from salvation and a relationship with the Living God.

But we also GRIEVE our sin and what He endured for us. We recognize that He experienced such physical and emotional pain, temptations, trials, rejection, even to the point of a brutal death on a cross, for our sins. At times the reality and gravity of those truths can bring us to tears. Jesus grieved the cross, even asking the Father the night before his crucifixion that this ‘cup might pass from Him’. And God the Father grieved to turn His face from His Son when Jesus took our sins upon Himself. Clearly, there is great grief in the cross.

But there is much cause to rejoice and CELEBRATE in the resurrection. The hope of the Gospel is that Jesus did not stay dead – death did not have victory, but Jesus did. Jesus beat death itself, coming back to life, and bringing eternal life to all who believe in Him!  How can we not choose to celebrate this?!

And so we see in the Good News of Jesus how we choose to embrace the realities and truths before us; we choose to grieve the way of the cross, the suffering and death of Jesus; and yet we also choose to celebrate His resurrection and life. There are times that we may fail to believe or embrace the truths of the Gospel, and we must claim them purely by FAITH. There are times that we do not want to face our sin, but we ask God for the courage to face into it, and grieve how it not only hurts the Lord, but also ourselves and those around us. And there are times that we do not feel like rejoicing or celebrating our relationship with God, but by FAITH we claim the truths of God and press forward.

Similarly, I seek to follow the way of the cross of Christ in my journey of singleness. I choose to EMBRACE the realities and truths before me of my singleness. I choose to GRIEVE the unmet longings as a result of my singleness. And I choose to CELEBRATE and rejoice in my singleness as a gift from God, in His wisdom and sovereignty and goodness.

I must remember that His timing is perfect, even (or especially) when it's hard. He hasn’t forgotten about me, I haven't done something wrong, I didn’t ‘miss the boat’ of marriage. By faith, I must fight the lies, claim the truths of God and press forward, making the most of every moment of this gift of singleness!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Thinking about Singleness...Choosing to Grieve

This is the second post in a 3 part series on "Thinking about Singleness..."

Four years ago my life took a very different turn from what I was expecting at the time. As I desperately grasped for anything and everything familiar, steady and unmovable, it was as if the very ground beneath my feet was moving out of my control. I had been in a serious dating relationship for several months and we were moving towards engagement and marriage. It was one of the happiest, and yet challenging, years of my life as I finally saw this hope and dream of marriage inching closer to reality. But then things began to change, the dream began to slip away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was powerless. I had no choice but to release my white-knuckled grip and let go of this temporal relationship, and cling to Jesus, the only truly steady and unmovable One.

As I walked this unexpected and painful road, clinging to Jesus along the way, I suddenly found myself back in this all to familiar place, the place I thought I had left, or was about to leave, this place called....SINGLENESS. At first I fought it. I thought I had left. I thought I wouldn't be back here until or unless I was widowed one day, which would hopefully be a very long time from now. I did not want to be back here. I didn't know how to return to this place.

Once again I was doing things on my own - looking for a new car, going to church, finding a new church, making weekend and holiday plans, travelling, and much more. But over time, as I grieved the loss of that relationship and the loss of the hope and dream of marriage at that time, I also gradually began to once again embrace my singleness.

I began to realize I had been given an incredible gift. It was as if I was granted a second chance at singleness. Any regrets of things I wish I had done in the past - friends I wish I had pursued or spent more time with, things I wish I had done, places I wish I had visited, or ways I wish I had ministered to others - I had a fresh start on those things again. I could recreate what singleness looked like for me! It did not have to look the way it did before. It could be new and fresh and different! I could live my single life to the full...no regrets!

Over the past 4 years, I believe that life, and singleness, have looked a little differently for me than before. I try to be more intentional about spending time with my girl friends, especially those closest to me. I have tried to be more generous and giving, and less selfish, with my time and gifts, trying to take advantage of opportunities to serve at church or serving my friends or family members in different ways. I spend more time being active, going for walks or bike rides or going to the gym; getting out and just enjoying life and people.

But, it is still hard. I am very grateful for my life, and my singleness, and I do see it all as an incredible and gracious and loving gift from the Lord. And yet, I still desire to one day experience the gift of marriage and a family. As I noted in my last post, finding this tension is difficult. While I focused in that post on the fact that we must Choose to EMBRACE our Singleness, this past year I have come to learn another very important lesson. We also must be willing to share and choose to GRIEVE honestly in our singleness.

I have had to learn that it is okay for me to be sad and to grieve over the things that I so deeply yearn for yet do not have, such as a husband to share life with and children to care for. I have had the incredible experience of being able to openly and freely share my grief, my sadness, my anger, and my desires with dear sisters in Christ in my life. And what's more, I have been blessed with those sisters grieving with and for me, and praying with and for me for the future.

I am reminded of Aaron and Hur holding up Moses' arms when he was too weak and tired to hold up his own arms or even stand, while Joshua led men of Israel in the battle against the Amalekites (Exodus 17). In a similiar way, friends have prayed for me when I could not pray for myself, they have had faith and hope for me when I have none.

So you might ask...So how do I choose to GRIEVE over my singleness, and yet choose to EMBRACE it at the same time??

There is no recipe or sequential instructions to follow; it is definitely easier said than done.  Yet, do we not both GRIEVE over and EMBRACE the cross?  We grieve the fact that our Lord had to suffer and die for us, for our sins and our sakes. And yet, if want to experience His forgiveness, we must also accept and embrace what he did, receiving His forgiveness for our sins.  What's more, we are then led to REJOICE over this incredible mystery of the Gospel.

Dear friends, do not be afraid to grieve honestly before the Lord and those nearest to you over the things you so deeply yearn for and yet do not have or experience in this life. Your Father keeps track of your sorrows and even captures your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). Your Savior weeps with and for you over your hurt, your pain, your loss, your unmeant longings. And as you grieve, come near to the cross.

Ask He who understands grief more than any other to grant you the grace and strength you need to embrace your current reality. Ask Him to grant you hope and faith where you might be lacking right now. Ask Him to sustain and carry you through the hard, the lonely, or seemingly hopeless, days. Allow friends in your life to pray with and for you, to have hope and faith for you when you may have none. And by faith, choose to praise Him and rejoice in His presence, His goodness, His faithfulness.



You keep track of all my sorrows
You have collected
all my tears in your bottle
You have recorded
each one in your book...

I praise God
for what He has promised;
yes, I praise the LORD
for what He has promised.

(Psalm 56:8,10)


Friday, April 19, 2013

Thinking about Singleness...Choosing to Embrace

This is the first in a 3 part series in 'Thinking about Singleness...'

SINGLENESS...so many various connotations and emotions can emerge from just one little word. For some it means a sense of freedom and independence; for others it is a word filled with pain and loneliness. Personally, I think it has been both ends of the spectrum, and everything in between, for me.

In the moments when I am talking to my sister on the phone, listening to the chaos on the other end of the line or hearing her talk about getting an hour to herself, I can find myself being thankful for my singleness and the things I enjoy about it. It can be a sense of freedom and independence. I don't need to check in with anyone regarding my days, my nights, my weekends. I can sleep in on a Saturday morning, go to the gym or run errands when it best suits me, and so much more.

On the other hand, naturally I desire relationship, marriage and a family. Seeing a couple on a date or watching families at the park have a way of surfacing these deeper desires. And of course we all know what it's like 'fb stalking' our friends, looking through their pictures - the engagement pictures, the wedding pictures, the newborn baby pictures and more!

While the desires and feelings on both ends of this spectrum, and all those in between, are real, natural and valid, I also must remind myself of the Truth.

And the Truth is...

I am no less lovable because I am single. Marriage may be a great gift from the Lord, but singleness is also a gift from the Lord, and one is not a 'greater' gift than the other. God is not withholding the gift of marriage from me because of something I have or haven't done or because I'm not good enough or pretty enough or spiritual enough or 'anything else' enough. God is sovereign and God is good, even if I don't always FEEL that way in my present circumstances. Marriage will not 'solve' my feelings of discontentment in life. Marriage is not the essence or the goal in life - Jesus is.

So if all these things are true, and I am single, what do I do with my desires for marriage? If God is sovereign and God is good and I am single, then I must believe that this singleness is His present will for my life and ultimately may be used for His glory and for my good. So then why do I desire to be married? Or why doesn't it always FEEL good or best?

I have seen (and probably done) both ends of the extreme.  I have seen singles who so fully accept their 'lot in life' that they deny their desires for marriage. Sometimes they even begin to grow cold or hardened in their relationships with the opposite sex, unwilling to put themselves out there or risk dating for fear of another rejection or another ended relationship.

On the other hand, I have also seen singles who focus so much on their desires for marriage that it seems to almost define their worth and identity. It is as if the ultimate goals in life is to be married, have a family and 'live happily ever after'. Sadly, I have also seen some begin to compromise their boundaries or standards for a spouse just to be in a relationship with someone, even if it is not a Godly or Christ-centered relationship.

So how do we as singles live in that tension? How do we accept the current reality that we are single, embrace it, enjoy it, be grateful for it and even celebrate it? And yet at the same time, not deny our desires for marriage, and maybe even our desires to have children?

I believe one way is that we CHOOSE to EMBRACE it. We CHOOSE to celebrate it. That might mean we save up and buy that Kitchen Aid mixer or that dining room set or that bed set we have been eyeing in the stores, rather than waiting to receive it as a shower or wedding gift. That might mean we consider buying a house.

It might mean we invest time in our friends, travel to spend time with our friends, invest in the lives of other singles, or even use our home as an opportunity to minister to others. Embracing and celebrating our singleness will look differently in each of our lives. There is not a recipe or formula for doing that or determining exactly what it looks like.

And when we are not embracing it, not celebrating it, not enjoying it, not feeling grateful for it, we must be real and honest with the Lord and with close friends around us. We need friends who will sit with us in our times of tears, pray for us, encourage us and remind us of the truth of who we are and who God is. We must be willing to ask the Lord the hard questions and if there is something I need to learn - about the Lord, about myself or about my view of marriage.

Tension in any area is not easy to find. Just the right tension on each string keeps the guitar in tune. Every time you pick up that instrument, you must stop and tune each string - adjusting the tension one way or the other on each individual string. But once the right tension is found, it is free to be used to make a beautiful sound.

We must be willing to be adjusted, one way or the other, constantly seeking to walk with Jesus and asking Him to help us walk that tension of celebrating and being grateful for our singleness, while being honest about our desires and yearnings. It is easier said than done, but it is possible, and it is freeing. I am FREE to be single, I am free to embrace and celebrate my singleness. At the same time, I am free to be honest with the Lord and others about my desires.

There is a newfound freedom in the rightly tuned tension, as we choose to embrace our singleness and as we walk with Jesus through our journey of singleness. I mean, after all, Jesus was single too. ;)

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Where do I Start??

What does one post as their first blog?  This is all new to me – not the writing, but the blogging part, in other words, the ‘posting publicly for others to read & respond’ part.  I’ve considered it in the past, but there was always an excuse – I didn’t want to take the time to set it up, or have the pressure of always creating/writing something new.  And then there are all the unspoken fears, or lies, in the back of my mind that come with it:  What is no one reads it?  What if no one cares?  What if I run out of words or ideas to communicate?  What if someone is offended by what I write?  What if I misuse or misinterpret God’s Word in any of my writing, or maybe worse, misrepresent Christ &/or His church of believers?

Over the past couple years I had a couple ‘trial runs’ by writing and posting some thoughts on my facebook page.  To my surprise, people read, responded and even ‘liked’ them!  As I shared one of them with some friends verbally, I was actually asked if I ever considered ‘blogging’.  Yikes, there it was.  It felt like too much commitment, & maybe too much exposure, just ‘putting myself out there’.

Alas, here I am, writing, posting…’blogging’, if you will.  Most importantly, sharing my heart, my thoughts, my feelings, my perspective on life with others, as a follower of Jesus journeying through this life on earth, as one who is yoked with Him.

“Yoked with Him??!” you may ask.  “Why that phrase?”  Or maybe you’re thinking, “What does that even mean?”  Or, “Does anyone still use a yoke?”  First of all, with a name like ‘Lisa Smith’ you are forced to be creative with email addresses, usernames, logins, titles and such.  And as I considered the title & site of this blog, it seemed as though the Lord very clearly pointed me to one of my favorite passages of Scripture, Matthew 11:28-30 [Jesus speaking]:
28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Before our modern time of tractors and equipment, farmers used oxen attached to a yoke in order to work the ground, plowing, planting, or even moving a heavy load.  A yoke is essentially a wooden beam attached to the heads or necks of oxen or other animals that enable them to work together to pull a heavy load or to pull a plow, digging through hard soil.

Here, in Matthew chapter 11, Jesus uses a symbol that His listeners know and probably have used.  But He puts Himself in the yoke, and calls them to put HIS yoke on them, rather than trying to pull the load on their own.  Often a young ox would be taught, or ‘broke’, by yoking them with an older more experienced one.  The experienced ox would take the lead while the younger one would be forced to follow.  Jesus INVITES us to take His yoke upon us and learn from Him.

Sometimes I try to take the yoke on my own, without His help or sometimes I even try yoking myself with others.  Yet, anything outside of Jesus will always prove to be exhausting, laborious and heavy-laden.  But when I choose to respond to His invitation to take His yoke upon myself, and to learn from Him, the gentle & humble teacher, I will find rest for my soul, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

With whom, or with what, are you yoked today?  Yourself and your own self-sufficiency (or the illusion of it)?  Another person, besides Christ?  Or maybe an object, like money, sex, work or perfectionistic performance?  As He stands before you, wearing the yoke and inviting you to join Him, how will you respond?  Will you enter into His yoke alongside Him, willing to stay at His side, follow His lead and learn from Him?  He does not promise that it will be simple or even easy, in the sense of not challenging our potential waywardness, but He does promise His presence and His gentleness with us, and in a much deeper way, His rest.

Yoked with Him,
Lisa