I'm Waiting...

I don’t like waiting. I mean, does anyone like waiting? Especially when you’re not exactly sure what you’re waiting for or how long you will be waiting. Ambiguous waiting is the worst.

It doesn’t matter if it’s waiting on traffic, the grocery aisle, the coffee maker, even the microwave! I get impatient. Of course, those are the trivial ‘waitings’ in life.

It’s even harder when I’m waiting on a medical answer or potential diagnosis for myself or a loved one.

Or praying and waiting for healing for someone I love – not knowing if the ‘healing’ will come on this earth or be complete eternal healing in heaven.

Or waiting in my singleness, praying for a husband, praying for the gift of biological children one day, but not knowing if that will still come in my time here on this earth.

Or waiting in quarantine in a time of global pandemic, praying for it to come to an end, praying for those on the front lines, praying for those fighting for their lives from this virus and those who love them but can’t be by their side. And yet, not knowing what the days, weeks or months ahead will hold, or how many there will be.

I’ve sensed the Lord saying the word ‘wait’ to me in recent months. Initially it was in regard to my singleness and the prospect of buying a home. Then it was praying for a friend who laid unconscious from a brain injury, pleading for her life. Then quarantine in a global pandemic. And now for medical answers for a family member.

In each case, “Wait…”

In the midst of events cancelling and seemingly all of life coming to a screeching halt earlier this spring due to the virus pandemic, I was emailing with my friend Dana about this time of waiting in quarantine and she replied to me:

“…like a seed that will germinate underground. You may not see what's happening, but rest assured something IS happening in the waiting.

Waiting. . . . interesting word. Question is, what kind of waiting am I doing? Forced, impatient wait? Squirming, fidgeting waiting? Hospital dread waiting? God is reminding me there is also another kind of waiting I want to consider… anticipation in my waiting. Hopeful waiting. Trusting, calming waiting. Heck, I may experience all of the above in one given hour (or minute!). It's good to identify it and ponder.”

Today, it’s Saturday – not just any Saturday, but the seemingly silent Saturday nestled between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. You don’t hear much about this day, and there isn’t much recorded about this day. Churches might have a Maundy Thursday service remembering Jesus’ Last Supper with His disciples, or a Good Friday service remembering the day Jesus suffered, was crucified and died. And they definitely have an Easter Sunday service celebrating the resurrection. But what about Saturday?

Saturday seems to be a silent day…of waiting. But waiting for what? We know that the Saturday after Jesus was crucified was the Jewish Sabbath day. The women who prepared spices for Jesus' burial rested on the Sabbath according to the commandment. I guess we can assume they didn’t go to the tomb where Jesus was buried, and they didn’t do any work. They rested because that’s what they were commanded to do.

Meanwhile the chief priests and Pharisees went to the high priest and asked that the tomb be sealed and guarded so that the disciples don’t try to steal the body of Jesus and deceive people that he raised from the dead. Other than that, it’s silent.

I wonder if that Saturday felt like the longest, most silent Sabbath for the disciples as they grieved the torturous death of their Teacher of the last 3 years. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they lost one of their own, Judas, their friend and fellow disciple, who betrayed Jesus – he betrayed them all, and then took his own life. I wonder if they were in shock, confused, mourning, maybe even sitting in regret or shame over their own abandonment of Jesus, or Peter in his denial. Was there any hope or anticipation in their waiting? Or only grief and fear and despair?

Just because we are waiting in a season of seemingly silence, doesn’t mean God is not at work. We know on this side of Easter Sunday that God was at work bringing Jesus back to life, defeating death itself, not only for His Son, but for all who believe in Him! He was in the midst of the greatest miracle possible while the women rested and the disciples sat in fear. The earth seemed dark and silent, but God was very alive and active!

This spring we will begin to plant seeds in the ground for a fall harvest. On the surface the ground will seem silent, but underneath those seeds are hard at work, germinating, taking in nutrients – the seed is breaking open and dying as the plant inside comes to life and begins to sprout, eventually breaking through the surface.

There are so many places in life where we are called to wait. And so many places in God’s Word where He calls us to wait, and tells us how. I can’t even begin to name them all. But there are a few that have stuck out to me through the seasons of waiting…

Psalm 27:13-14
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 37:3-7a

Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

So how do I respond in my waiting?

Am I fearful? Hopeless? Despairing? Does the deafening silence cause me to question if God is present, alive or active? Do I begin to doubt His goodness or His sovereignty? Do I question if he sees me, hears me, remembers me, or cares? Do I remain idle because He seems so idle to me? Do I try to maintain some sense of control in my waiting (albeit an illusion of control) with busyness and activity?

Or do I cling to God, to His Truth, to His Word in my waiting? Do I choose to see the goodness of the Lord as I wait? Am I strong and courageous as I wait for Him to act? Do I trust in Him and do good as I wait? Do I cultivate faithfulness in my waiting? Do I delight myself in Him? Commit my way to Him? Rest in Him? Wait patiently for Him? Do I anticipate a rock on which to stand and a new song in my mouth? Do I praise Him as I wait? Do I hope in Him? Will others see Jesus in me as I wait?

Jesus, oh that I would cling to You in each moment of my waiting and be faithful and hopeful in my waiting. Whether it’s waiting in my singleness, waiting in this time of quarantine, waiting for answers or simply waiting for tomorrow. Help me to believe that you are ALWAYS at work – for your glory and my ultimate good, even when you seem silent to me. And when I grieve in my waiting, may I grieve, not as those without hope, but as one who has hope. I may not know what next year, next month, next week or even this next day holds, but I know the One who holds it. And because of that, I can hope and rest in You as I wait...