January 27, the day I took risks...

January 27th. Just another gray, cold winter day in Ohio, right? For me, it's a memorable date on the calendar. A date that I took risks...twice...20 years apart...

5 years ago, January 27, 2016, I took a risk. I did what I once thought was impossible. After nearly 11 years in Indianapolis, I packed up my desk, moved most of my belongings to a friend's garage, packed a few suitcases, said my good-byes and boarded a plane to head back overseas for the year.

The year prior to that I was planning to finally purchase a house in Indianapolis. I loved living in Indy. I loved my fellowship and community there. I loved my job and ministry, and the people I had the honor to work alongside. I was leading a team. I had a position of leadership and influence, a 'voice' into the way we were shaping our internship program both regionally and nationally for our organization. I was growing in confidence as a leader, and could actually see myself continuing to lead.

But in a crazy turn of events I sensed the Lord nudging me to step out of my norm, out of my 'stability' and head back overseas, at least for the next year. If I made this decision to go overseas, I would have to give everything up with no guarantee of it being there when I returned. On top of that, I was 38 and single. I would return to the states just a few months short of my 40th birthday. This surely would put to death my hopes and dreams of being married by 40. I knew there was no guarantee of that happening even if I stayed in Indy, but this decision seemed to put the nail in that coffin.

I would have to hold my job, my future, my desires, hopes and plans in open hands before Him, allowing it all to be removed.

I wasn't going to a new place. I had lived there before, but it was nearly 11 years earlier, so the people and many things of the city would be new, or at least different. Besides that, I left this place and returned to the states, moving to Indianapolis, because I was crashing personally. I had to leave due to health and other culminating issues. After more than 10 years in the States I was healthy in so many ways!

What if it comes back? What if the health issues rear their ugly head again? What if I begin to battle the dark, frightening symptoms of depression and anxiety again? Can I do this? Will I be able to do this? There were no guarantees. And I had just given up all I knew back in Indianapolis.

Was it going to be worth the sacrifices? Worth the risks? There were so many unknowns. It felt like one of the hardest steps of faith the Lord has ever asked me to take.

While on the plane that day 5 years ago, peering out the window at the vast skyline, I realized there was another significant January 27th, 20 years prior...

January 27, 1996 I was a freshman at Ohio State attending a student Winter Retreat. I spent the first few months of my freshman year confused and torn in different directions - meeting many new friends, parties, drinking, vying for attention from guys. Yet I also periodically showed up for a weekly Bible study in my dorm led by another student who was patient and persistent with me, inviting me to join her at this retreat. I said yes.

I experienced a different type of atmosphere and community at this retreat. The students read and studied their Bibles, they sang songs, but different from the traditional hymns I heard growing up in church. They seemed to genuinely like each other and have fun together. And yet, there was no drinking. No one was drunk or out of control. No vulgar language. No inappropriate or overly friendly guys. It was different. And I liked it.

I sat on the floor of the meeting room, with my Bible open before me, as I heard the words of 1 Corinthians 6:18-20...

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

In an instant, those words clicked, in my head and in my heart. I still remember thinking, "I grew up in church my entire life and I swear those words weren't there before! Why have I never seen this?!" In that moment, I understood that I had been bought with a price, and that price was the life and death of Jesus, and therefore, my life is not my own - it's His. I can still remember praying something like...

"Jesus I don't know where I stand with you, but I know where I want to stand. I know that I have claimed to be a Christian my entire life, but I don't live like it. I have been throwing my body around like it's worth nothing, rather than one that is bought with your life and death. That makes it invaluable. I want to live like the 'Christian' I have claimed to be all my life. Help me to live like it..."

I grew up in a Christian home, regularly attending church, but I had wandered far from God, seeking to please myself and others. That weekend I chose to begin walking like my life belonged to Jesus and not to me.

That decision changed the trajectory of my life, like beginning to talk about Jesus and His Word with others, even heading overseas and entering into full-time vocational ministry where I could share the Good News of Jesus with other college students, like myself. It's been an incredible journey!

Now here I was, 20 years later, taking yet another risk, another step of faith in this journey with Jesus. As we flew over the city and the plane touched down, I was overwhelmed with emotions - fear, anxieties, excitement, anticipation, relief and pure exhaustion. A few teammates met me at the airport to take me to my small one bedroom apartment that would be home for the year. After they left I looked at the bare, thin mattress, wondering if I had sheets to fit, and then looked to my few suitcases holding all my belongings I brought with me for the year.

As I opened a suitcase I discovered a note slipped in by one of my sisters, telling me how proud she was of me to take this step of faith. I plopped down at the end of the bed, exhausted from the 20+ hour trip, and the months leading up to getting here, wishing I had a nice, warm, cozy bed to crawl into, and the tears began to flow. "What have I done?"

How was this tiny apartment ever going to feel like home? When will my internet work so I can connect with my family and let them know that I arrived? Did I make the right decision? Or was this a huge mistake? Deep breath... "It's going to be okay."

It was so much more than okay. Sure, it was hard. I battled bouts of loneliness throughout the year, but it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It was more than worth the 'sacrifices' and the 'risks'. I'm beyond grateful I took the risk, yet again.

If there had not been a January 27, 1996, there would not have been a January 27, 2016, 20 years later.

Both times, I took risks to trust Jesus.

And it was worth it. No retreats. No regrets. I would do it all over again, and I do. In fact the songs Do It Again and Goodness of God have both become sweet prayers and reminders of His great faithfulness and goodness, especially as I look back over the years and the steps of faith He has called me to take.

When Jesus calls you to take a risk, a step of faith, or a blind leap of faith, and you walk in obedience and you do it, He shows up. He is Good and more Faithful than we can possibly fathom or comprehend. Sometimes it feels like you close your eyes and jump, hoping He will catch you, like a child leaping into a swimming pool, trusting their Daddy to catch them. And you know what? This Father - He always shows up when you leap towards Him. And I'm so glad I did!

It's not that I did some great act of faith, but it's that Jesus did the greatest act of surrender and sacrifice, for us! And I just get to be on the journey of faith with Him. It's a journey I never could have written or imagined, and it's still being written. And I know there will still be hard days, unknowns, even sadness or pain on this journey of life, but I also know He is always, ALWAYS worth the risk. So I'll keep jumping. I'll keep taking the 'risks' He calls me to take. Because He's worth it.