Wednesday, May 13, 2015

38 and Single...minded...

I could have titled this post '38 and Single', and it would be true, as I just celebrated my 38th birthday in April.  But there’s something that is also true, and that I wish to describe me more than that phrase at this place in life…'38 and Single-minded'.  Not single-minded on marriage or what I do or don’t have.  But single-minded on Jesus.

Sure, some days I wish I were 38 and married, living in a house with kids running around.  And if you asked me at 18 where I would be at 38, that’s probably the life I would have described.  But, for whatever reason, it’s not my current reality.  38 and single is my current reality.  And I HAVE to believe…no, I CHOOSE to believe this is God’s best plan for me.  I choose to believe He's both Sovereign and Good, despite not always liking my earthly circumstances or understanding them.  I may not always understand it and I may not always like it, but I choose to cling to Jesus in the hard things and try to practice a heart of gratitude.

I fight to balance being honest with the Lord with my heart’s desires for marriage with each passing year, and yet cherishing and not wasting the 'gift' of singleness.   And regardless of my marital status or life circumstances, no matter what, I desire to be single-minded on Jesus.  I want to love Him more each day, and walk closer with Him with each year.  I want to love him and know him more at 38 than I did at 37.  And as I enter into this next year of life, I hope that I will love him and know him more at 39 than I do today at 38.

So am I '38 and Single'?  Yes.  Did I expect to be here or am I always thrilled about that?  No.  But do I want or allow it to define me?  Absolutely not.  But by God's grace, may I more importantly be '38 and Single-minded' and not waste a single day of the gift of life, as well as the gift of singleness, that He has granted me.

"...let us run with endurance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." (Hebrews 12:1-2)

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