Need S P A C E??

 As you come into this new year, how is your mind and your heart? Take a moment…

As I come into this new year, my mind and my heart feel…busy, full, distracted, overwhelmed, at times weighed down. So, this morning, I paused to reflect and look back before looking forward.

As I look back, I recognize that the last few months feel like a bit of a blur filled with travel, work, holidays, kids, and so much more. As one whose ‘work’ happens to be in student ministry along with a leadership role in which I am leading other ministry leaders, that means lots of ministry prep, video and phone conversations, emails, meetings, planning and preparing conferences, local and international travel, caring for people through both the celebrations and the losses of life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my work! I love working with college students, I love travelling, I love raising up and coaching and encouraging other ministry leaders. But it can also be exhausting at times – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

And now as a wife and stepmom to 4 kids (and dog-mom to now 3 fur-children), there’s also relationships to care for and navigate at home, everything from hard conversations about navigating life as a teenager to laughter (and yelling) over monopoly games to meal-prep and laundry and holidays and everything in between. As someone in full-time ministry, I never want my family to feel as though they take a ‘back seat’ to my work. But rather, they ARE a part of the ministry God has called me to love, serve and care for in this life.

Looking back over the last few months, I have packed and unpacked my bags multiple times, digging out my suitcase and travel supplies and putting them back away, eventually. I have listened to hours of podcasts or audio books while doing laundry or hand-washing dishes at my sink or cleaning the house or driving in my car from place to place to place. I have sifted through stacks of piling mail or papers on my make-shift ‘desk’ (currently a card table) only to somehow see it grow again like an uncontrollable weed. I prepared family Halloween costumes (this year to the theme of ‘Old McDonald’s farm’) and took kids trick or treating. I navigated multiple schedules and kids’ visitations for family holiday celebrations, and spent countless hours in my google calendar trying to keep everyone’s calendars in front of me!

I also had the awesome privilege of walking 6 student women through a study of how we as women can study God’s Word with both our minds and our hearts. I shared the incredible news of a relationship with God through Jesus to students, and even saw a student pray to enter a relationship with Him! I drank a lot of coffee over appointments with women or just sitting in front of my computer. I travelled to an incredible place in the Middle East where Paul of the New Testament travelled and took the Gospel! I shared of the incredible work that God is doing in and through college students to those who pray for and give to the work that I do, including multiple local churches in my hometown.

As I reflect on these past few months, it’s no wonder I come into this year feeling tired, sometimes like a hamster that has just stepped out of her spinning wheel, at times a little dizzy. I have struggled to be still, to rest, to read, to hear from the Lord. I often feel under the pile (whether it’s mail, email or life) that I desperately want to be tidy and clean. And the internet, social media, the news – it only adds to my sense of angst. So much so, that lately I find myself withdrawing from it all because I just don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to add it to my plate.

And on a momentary decision to do a little Facebook scrolling this weekend, I learned of yet another Christian leader who admitted to an extra marital affair and is now stepping away from ministry, writing and speaking. This was a leader and author I highly respected throughout my early years walking with the Lord, whose books have had incredible impact on so many. How could someone who wrote so eloquently of God’s mercy and grace for so many years, now succumb to years of sin in this way??

Almost as quickly as I asked the question, in my head and heart, I heard the answer to my own question, “Because he’s human and susceptible to sin, just like you Lisa. You are no better or worse than him. You are human and in need of my grace.”

The following morning I attended my church’s Connection Time prior to the service (much like Sunday School or an informal Bible Study). We were walking through Matthew 23:16-30, in which Jesus is declaring His warnings to the Pharisees, the very teachers of God’s Law. He warns them against many things such as keeping the outside of their ‘cup’ clean and beautiful, yet on the inside they are unclean or even dead, full of hypocrisy and wickedness. He warns them against their hypocrisy in which they build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous and yet also claim that they ‘never’ would have done the sins their ancestors did.

Jesus is calling out their pride, their arrogance, their hypocrisy – putting themselves above others, whether those in the present or their ancestors of the past. I immediately thought of this Christian author I recently heard about. In what ways do I do the same? Do I look at him and others like him and think, “I would never!”?!

Or is my prayer more like that of David’s in Psalm 139:23-24 in which he prays,

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Rather than a spirt of pride and arrogance and judgement and hypocrisy, may I have a spirit of humility, of brokenness, of being open to correction from God and others and willing to see and acknowledge both my anxious thoughts and my offensive, sinful ways. Before pointing out the ‘speck’ in my brother or sister’s eye, may I stop to recognize and pull out the ‘plank’ in my own (Matthew 7:1-5).

But to do this, I need to create space…something I have struggled to do lately. In the midst of the busyness, the ministry, the emails, the meetings, the travel, the laundry, the dishes, the Bible studies, the conferences, the meal prep, the mail, the bills, all the things of this life…

I MUST CREATE SPACE.

My calendar and no one else will create that for me. The world around me will only seek to fill that space. In fact, it will overflow my space. But I need space. We all need space.

Space to reflect.

Space to sit…in silence…in waiting.

Space to listen to the voice of God.

Space to ask the Lord and myself, and others close to me, how I am doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, relationally, physically.

Space to repent of my sin.

Space to acknowledge my anxious thoughts.

Space to receive God’s never-ending mercy and forgiveness and grace and love for each moment.

In Making Room for Leadership; Power, Space and Influence, author MaryKate Morse devotes a chapter to “Open Space: Managing Our Own Souls”. She writes,

“Being in a position of influence, no matter how humble, requires attentiveness to one’s inner life. As the light of Christ, our primary responsibility is to connect to him and allow the Holy Spirit access to our hearts and souls… When we fill up inner space with our own words and thoughts, we are trying to stay in control. When we allow ourselves to be still and wait, we relinquish control to God.” (p.162-163)

I don’t know what SPACE looks like in your life. Maybe it’s a walk in the woods, a bike ride, a run on a treadmill, listening to or playing music, or creating art. Maybe it’s a favorite coffee in a coffee shop, or a quiet morning or evening at home (while others in your house are sleeping!). Maybe it’s a quiet moment in your car away from everyone. Or maybe it’s an hour or two of silencing your phone.

Life will still be busy and full. There will always be laundry and dishes and meal prep. There will still be mail, and email, and meetings, and conferences, etc. etc. There will always be a never-ending stream of news nationally and around the world that will be heavy and hard. There will be celebrations and losses in life to walk through personally and with those around me. There will be hard conversations to navigate in my marriage, in parenting, or in ministry. And there will definitely be more competitive and lively games of Monopoly, Farm-Opoly and Rummy in my house!

Jesus, as I come into this year, help me to create SPACE – space to sit and meet with you. Space to hear from you. Space to truly listen. Help me to stop and get out of my spinning hamster wheel from time to time, to reflect, to be humble, to be open to correction, to see and repent of my sin. By your grace, may I lay my anxious thoughts and feelings at Your feet on a daily basis. Help me to be still and wait, and to relinquish control to you moment-by-moment. Convict me of the thoughts of the Pharisees who clean the outside but yet are dead and filthy on the inside. Open my eyes when I tempted to look to the sins of others and declare, “I would never!” in an air of arrogance and pride. But rather let my prayer be like that of a repentant David, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

Friend, may God bring you and I both a much needed S P A C E to sit with our Savior, in the arms of our Father, and hear from His Spirit in this year ahead.