Linger and Listen...

Over two years ago I sensed the Lord calling me to be 'Full of Faith & Free from Fear', especially as I entered into the year of celebrating my 40th birthday. I had returned from a year overseas, a year that challenged me to deeper steps of faith, free from fear. 2017 unfolded to be a difficult year in many respects, facing changes, transitions and losses that were unexpected as I returned to the States.  I spent more time in the barn doing daily chores on our family's dairy farm that year than I ever have, which allowed for plenty of 'think' time. But as the year wore on, it was as if I kept hearing this soft and subtle whisper, "Listen" from the Lord, "Linger, and Listen".

My view on the farm where I spent many days reading
and listening to the Lord during my Sabbatical Fall 2017.

September 2017 I welcomed my first Sabbatical after 16 years in full-time ministry, and I was convicted by how busy and loud I tend to keep my life, whether working, talking to others, or on my computer or phone. Solitude is hard for me. Silence is not comfortable. But why?? I grew up the youngest of five on a dairy farm. Our house was always busy and often loud. I think I learned at a young age that 'she who speaks loudest, longest and most persistently wins!' Did I mention that I have 3 older sisters?! ;)

I have come to learn that I thrive in crazy and in chaos. It's 'normal' and 'comfortable' to me. Yet, every Sunday afternoon everyone in our house rested. I strongly disliked Sunday afternoons as a kid - I often remember my mom telling me I didn't have to take a nap, but I did have to find something quiet to do for the afternoon and not bother anyone. How I couldn't wait to hear the stirring of my mom or dad or someone in the house when they would get up from their Sunday nap!

Don't get me wrong, as an adult I LOVE a good nap! And I love some solid alone time (but not TOO much!). Yet even in solitude, I often stay 'busy'. It's hard for me to 'cease working'. There's a reason it took me 16 years in ministry before taking my first Sabbatical.

Even in conversations, my natural (usually unaware) tendency is that I am generally more likely to talk than to listen. The past several years I have asked the Lord to grow me in the area of being more 'verbally self-aware' because I have so often been told how I'm a 'talker' or not a great listener. Hearing how that affects others saddens me. But I struggled with how to change something that is second-nature and that I am often blind to until hindsight. I'm verbal, I'm a communicator (both written and verbal), I'm a relational extrovert. I  know these things about me and they are part of the way God in His Sovereignty and Goodness created me as His child!

But how do I maintain these things about me and use them for His glory without failing to provide a space to listen - to God and to others?  It's not that I intentionally talk as much as possible. But it is a lack of intentionality to listen. So as I came out of my Sabbatical that fall and entered into 2018, I asked the Lord to show me what it looks like to intentionally LINGER - rest, cease from work, maybe sit in His presence without words, and even take a Sunday nap without guilt. :)

I asked Him to teach me how to LISTEN, truly Listen, from the heart, to God and to others; not just listen from my head or my ears, but from my heart. I asked Him to quiet my mind so that I can make space to hear His voice, His words. And I asked Him to help me hear others, to know when to listen, when to share, when to ask questions and what questions to ask. I desire to learn how to listen, not just for my benefit of hearing and knowing information, but for others to have a safe place to share their story.

As a result, I wrote and posted a little less, and tried to read or listen a little more. It's amazing what you hear, from God, from His Word and from others, when you linger long enough to listen, really listen. I'm not saying I have arrived! I still battle the stirring drive to busyness, and frequent talking. Some days I'm a better listener than others. But I'm learning. I'm learning to linger in Jesus' presence. I'm learning to listen from my heart, to God and to others.